Glass Houses and Weed Whackers

Hypocrite

1

: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2

: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Hypocrite? Or just emotional?

Both.




I journal in my weakest moments. I blog in my strongest.


I have no problem with living in a glass house, but like anyone else, I'd rather have walls. 
I'd rather people see the strong part of me than the twisted and confused part. I'd rather inspire with my strength than be pitied for my weakness. Call it hypocritical, or call it human. 


I believe in what I write. But I'm weak, and most of the time I can't live up to it. I'm also emotionally driven, which makes it hard to apply everything I believe to what I do. 


I've built my house. Knock on my door to come inside, or throw stones to break the glass. Either way, come on in, see the real me. See that I'm not perfect, and I'm not trying to make anyone think I am. You're not fooled anyway. 


I am weak, sometimes strong. I'm emotional, sometimes a hypocrite. 


I am what I am. 

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You know when you do something all day, then when you go to sleep that's all you see when you close your eyes?


Like if you've been swimming all day, you feel like you're floating and all you see is water.


Or if you've been dancing all day, all you can think about is the choreography, running and running through your brain.


Or if you've pulled weeds for hours, all you can think about is wrapping your hand tightly around the stem as far as you can get to the dirt, and pulling until the root budges. 


Well, that's what happens to me..


I'm one of those people that believes there's symbolism in everything, or I pretend there is. 
"It's a sign," I think. 


So when I was pulling weeds early in the summer morning, I couldn't help but see the symbolism. 


I love the feeling when you pull for what seems like hours, as hard as you can, praying the weed doesn't just break, and the root finally releases. Then you pull out the biggest root you've ever seen. That's the best feeling. 


I need to get rid of the weeds in my life, the things that are preventing me from growing. The things that have roots so deep, they're constricting all other good things from planting. These things that have taken over the yard of my heart and my mind. 


But there's no use in pulling it if I can't get the root. 
I can easily make it look better on the surface, plant some fake flowers, put in some fake grass, but the weeds will always grow back if I leave the root.


The problem can easily be fixed, but the root of the problem is what really matters.


I just have to pull the root, or many roots, and start planting flowers. 

Now to figure out what the root of the weed is.