Chemistry, and stuff.

There is a hormone called Oxytocin.
There is also a hormone called Vasopressin. 
These hormones are sometimes referred to as the "love hormone"
They are responsible for emotional bonding. Oxytocin in women, and vasopressin in men. 


We humans bond together. Like atoms. Covalent and ionic bonds, and stuff like that. 


We give our bodies, our hearts, our minds, and our very souls to another person and we never get it all back. 
We're stuck like a bug in fly paper. We become one molecule. Once formed, covalent bonds rarely break. It requires effort. 
So we struggle to break it. But it's not easy. 


Because that bond wasn't meant to be broken. 
It was meant to last a lifetime. We weren't made to break up after we've given someone everything. 
We form the bond with the expectation that it's never going to break. It forms when we open ourselves up enough to let someone in, when we trust them to never hurt us in our vulnerable state. 


So, if or when you break up, a lot of things happen emotionally that we can't understand. 
We watch the carrier of our soul living as a half as we walk around as the thing that once made them whole.  
Everything inside is trying to keep that bond together causing jealousy, bitterness, depression, etc. 
We're trying to be whole again. 
We long to be with those pieces that we gave away. 
It's unnatural and it's not supposed to happen. 


These bonds were meant to have a commitment of a lifetime.
We need to know that the person we've given everything to isn't going to abuse it, leave when they get bored, and isn't going to judge us. But is going to cherish our gift and take care of it. 
We need them to love us as they see the pieces of our insides scattered on the table. 
Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. 
Until death causes them to part. 


But, what do we do?
We can't just close ourselves off and never let anyone in. 
But the more we give ourselves away, the harder it is the next time. The harder it gets to open up and trust again. The harder our hearts become. 


And we don't realize these things until we've gone through it. Until we're living our lives wondering why everything inside of us is telling us to repair the damage instead of letting it be broken.


But God can heal all things. 
And through the ashes He reveals His beauty.
The end justifies the pain.
His hand orchestrates every tiny detail as it catches every tear.
And He knows the end of journey, He sees all the reasons and the outcomes and the lessons. 
He can heal the scars left from the broken bond. 
We just have to let Him. 

Plan B

Do you ever feel like you're back at the beginning? Like you went through a whole cycle only to be back where you started. 
Everything you knew is now a question, and everything you questioned is now a bigger question. 

Plan A failed me. It ruined me. 
But how could I have known it would fail if I didn't take the risk? I couldn't. 

So I'm grateful. 

So now, here I am at Plan B. 
This plan consists of not really having a plan. 
And it scares the poop out of me. 

But maybe that's the secret. 
By planning every detail we've failed already because there's no way it'll all work out the way we planned. 
I guess that's the beauty of a Plan B. And C. And possibly D.
Process of elimination. 
But I'm sure after getting to Q, R, and S, starting over becomes the routine, and it would feel like it's time to just stick with the letter you're on. 
Settling. 
Which, isn't always a bad thing.

But even when we settle, we're still searching. 
Isn't it strange how life pulls us by  the constant ebbs and flows of its waves?
Isn't it interesting how little control we have? Swimming as hard as we can against the flow only causes us to grow tired. 

The shore is the goal. 
The warm sandy beach where we think we will finally be happy, we will finally be satisfied. 

But we're all human here. Maybe Michael Phelps is the exception, but the rest of us are no match for the strong current at war against us. 
We seem to get close, or possibly even feel the grains between our toes, but as soon as we start to feel comfortable, we're ripped by the tide back to being lost at sea.

We swim our lives away, often calling "land ho!", expecting buried treasure and paradise, only to be left empty once again. 

Part of our human condition, possibly worse than our imperfection, is our never ending search of satisfaction. Our search for rest, peace, happiness, hope, and love. 
And not realizing that we're never going to find it. 
Men have voyaged to the ends of the earth. No land un-tread, and no sea un-sailed, and still this dream is no where to be found. 

Our world is lacking the one resource we all so desperately need more than anything else. 

So, why don't we look somewhere else? The only solution would be that it's not here. We were made for somewhere else (C.S. Lewis paraphrased). 


We swim all day, every day. Trying to get somewhere. Anywhere. 
We're searching for a Source of peace to still our anxious and discontent hearts. 

And ironically, it's when we stop treading that we experience the peaceful weightlessness. We let the water embrace us in its arms and carry us wherever it goes. 
When we realize that this peace is the very thing we were fighting against, we find our footing and can walk through any storm. 

When we stop fighting the current and frantically searching for comfort, the Living Water will carry us and take the burden of the waves of life. It will offer us a life jacket. It will offer us satisfaction.

When we stop fighting the current, the Current will fight for us. 

Some may say, "just keep swimming,"
but I believe that we find our Strength in sinking. 

Everyone

There are a lot of things that everyone does.

For instance:
Everyone poops.
Everyone eats.
Everyone sleeps.
Everyone blinks.
Everyone breathes.

In talking with a friend, I realized something else that everyone does. Everyone sells themselves short in relationships.

We see ourselves on a certain "level" and we're afraid to date/get in a relationship with someone so we just settle for the first person who seems even a little bit interested. Sure... they don't have the same goals... morals... standards... interests... or beliefs, but hey! they're interested, that's good enough!

And that's how we end up broken-hearted and not sure why because all of our friends are telling us they didn't like him anyway. 

Across the board - rich or poor, smart or ... not-so-smart, lower or middle or upper class - we all settle. Because it's easier than actually trying. Than doing something we actually care about. Because then, if it fails, you weren't really trying anyway.

Or at least, that's how I think.

I settle. My friends hear about some of my past relationships and wonder how the heck I ended up with the guys I was with in the past. I honestly wonder sometimes too. Except that, deep down, I know. I knew then too.

I didn't want to be alone.

But I ended up that way anyway. And, honestly, I've been pleasantly surprised. It's not as scary as I thought it would be. 

I actually kind of like it.

Exchange

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

I don't know who said that. Or why.
But I hate them.

I will even own up to having used that phrase myself, but I still hate it. Because I want it to be true, but I don't want the risk that goes with it.

Because sometimes, there are good things in my life, good people, good work being done...good, but if I would risk a little... it could be really great. Or... the pessimist in me realizes... it could be terrible. And I could lose what's good.

So my question is... is it worth giving up something really good...
... for the chance at something incredible?

Here's what I'm battling... God has an amazing, better-way for us to do life. I think He has a more-abundant life for us if we will follow Him and the things that He's calling us to do. But what if... the risk I'm thinking about taking isn't God... and it's just what I want?

Plus. Straight-up, I'm just scared.
Scared to give up what's familiar. 
For something that is unknown territory. And has the potential to be fantastic. And also the potential to fail.

So is it?
Is it better to love and maybe lose?
Or never take the risk?

Broken Toys

We're all broken people.
We're missing parts that we've lost on the long journey. 
We don't work like we were manufactured to work.


We're all just broken toys. 


With missing parts and dead batteries and melted plastic. 
The wear and tear of everyday life has broken us to the point of being unfixable. 
Our flaws would never pass a safety inspection. They're a choking hazard. 
We belong in the box labeled "yard sale" or "donate".
We deserve to be thrown away. 


Because we broke ourselves. And we broke each other. 
We played recklessly on playgrounds and loved only ourselves. 
We were doomed from the moment we left the factory. 
As soon as the seal on our package was opened for us to be revealed to the real world, we were flawed with scratches and bite marks that super glue can only do so much to fix.  
Our brokenness is past the point of fixable. We will never be the same shiny collector's item that left the warehouse. 
Our flaws have made us worthless. 


But how is that our fault if we were doomed from the start?
We were invented--not by choice. 
We were created against our will to live in this prison where we are cursed to be broken. 




But thank God that we have the chance to be set free from our pending doom. 
Thank God we have a healing remedy stronger than any super glue. 
Thank God we have the chance to be remade.
Thank God that our broken parts can be recycled and made into a new creation.
A new creation with the freedom to be made new over and over again, not bound by the filth around, and not destined to be broken forever. 
Thank God we can be rescued from the labeled boxes and garbage cans.
Thank God someone decided we were worth a great price and thank God that price was paid.
Thank God we were purchased for the purpose to be set free. 
Thank God.


We're all broken people.
We're all broken toys.
But thank God we have a healer.
And thank God our God is GREEN. 

                "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. 

                   The old has gone, and the new is here!"

                                            2 Corinthians 5:17