Fear

Isn't he kinda cute?

Monophobia 

The fear of being alone. 

Atychiphobia

Fear of failure.

Decidophobia 

Fear of making decisions.

I am an individual and I was created that way. I was never meant to be sufficient on another human being. God created me with a brain and a heart in my own separate body for a reason: to use them. They cannot be manipulated by someone else, they cannot be changed or silenced or cut out without going into multi-system organ failure (I learned that from Grey's Anatomy). 

I can't be afraid of being my own person. I can't be afraid of making mistakes. I can't be afraid of taking responsibility for those mistakes. I can't be afraid of accepting consequences, good or bad. I can't be afraid of failure and discomfort because that's how I learn. I am an individual, created to make my own decisions and mistakes so I can learn for myself how to pick myself up off the floor, should I fall down, and move on. I was created with an individual brain and heart to find my own true understanding rather than following the leader and living in a monotonous "Simon Says" game. I am the leader. I am the decider. I am my own person, I am a human being who stumbles. I am a human being who succeeds. I am a human being who loves and learns for myself, by myself, and from myself. 

I will be who I am and I will let no one change or cloud who that is.

Nyctophobia

The fear of the dark.

The fear of the dark is a common fear among children and to a varying degree is observed for adults. Fear of the dark is usually not fear of the darkness itself, but fear of possible or imagined dangers concealed by the darkness (Wikipedia). 

I'm not afraid of the dark in the literal sense, but I am, yes, in the figurative sense. I'm afraid of what's hiding in the shadows; I'm afraid that the dark will just get darker; I'm afraid that there will be no light at the end of the tunnel. But how foolish of me.

God is outside of time. My finite brain cannot comprehend the thought of time being nonexistent because time is such a HUGE part of my life, everything I do is dependent on time, so it makes sense that I wouldn't understand. Because God has no aspect of time, He's already in the future. In fact, He's in the past all the while being in the present. He has planned out my life so meticulously in a way that nothing is without purpose, because why would a loving God make something happen for no reason? Why would He put me through something that he knows won't benefit the future that He's already in. My life is a novel and every word, sentence, and page is already written. 

I'm walking blindly through a dark, shadowy valley. I'm running in every direction in search for a way out so that the sun may warm my skin again. Stop. Be still. Don't be afraid. 

I will not be afraid as I walk through the darkness, because I know that no matter how dark, I will see the light. 

If my God is always a step ahead, then what is there to be afraid of? 

So once again... I let go. I let go of the fear and the phobias.

I won't be afraid because I have someone constantly holding my hand. I won't be afraid because when I walk into that light, it will be so much lighter than I could have ever imagined. 

Psalm 56:3

When I am afraid, I will trust in You.

Remember Who You Are.

"Remember who you are"

-My Pastor,Arron Chambers

He would say this almost every time I left his house. And still does on occasion. 

At first I thought he would say it as a joke, and I remember rolling my eyes the first time he said it thinking "of course I'm not gonna forget who I am" I am Stephanie Bankston!

But, I know he really means it, and I never really gave it a second thought. 

(He felt SO passionate about it he even wrote a book and titled it "Remember Who You Are." You should read it! :))

Well, what if I don't know who I am or what I stand for? What if I think I do but both are so easily swayed like a blade of grass in the wind?

Back when he first started to say it to me, I definitely didn't know. 

I would leave the Chambers' house one person and come back later another. 

And I still do. 

I've recently been challenged, by I don't really know what, to look at myself and decide who I am, who I want to be, and what unfaltering things I stand for. 

Because if you don't know who you are, you'll become anything. And if you don't know where you stand, you'll fall.

So, I wrote down a list of who I know I am. 

And a list of who I want to be. (Which is kinda boring) 

And then I wrote down a list of what I stand for. The things I know without a doubt that I want to fight for. 

The things that keep me grounded.

The solid rocks that I build my life around, or strive to build my life around. (Which are less boring, so they'll probably have a post of their own someday.)

And it helped me so much to make the things I've been taught my whole life tangible and visible. To be able to pick and choose the things to discard and the things to keep. To have a reference of these things so I never forget again. 

I think we so easily forget. 

It's sad. We forget:

who we are, 

our purpose,

and the things that keep our feet from slipping.

I forget so often. I let myself be swayed by the standards of society, or the standards of other people, and forget that I have standards of my own. Standards that I shouldn't be willing to compromise.

Standards from God. 

I forget that each cell of my body is there for a purpose, along with each thought and emotion. I forget that my feet belong on these solid rocks and everywhere else is sinking sand. 

Remember 

who you are and what you stand for.

Because if you don't know who you are, you'll become anything. And if you don't know where you stand, you'll fall. 

The Great Compromise

It's funny how willing we are to compromise absolutely everything, for absolutely nothing.

Why?

Maybe it's the thrill.
Maybe it's the chance of it turning out differently than it has every other time.
Maybe we're just stupid.
Maybe we don't care.

Shouldn't we know better than to take a risk knowing the outcome?

Why do we run to edges of cliffs and jump, thinking maybe this time I'll fly?

Why do we walk down paths marked with signs that say danger and dead end?

We foolishly think that we're different. This time is different. We're strong enough, we're smart enough, we're dedicated enough.

But we're not.

We're human.

We're weak and searching for a source of strength.

The Power of Imperfection

I don't know why we feel like we have to be perfect.

We're all aware of just how imperfect we are, so why do we feel like we have to put on that facade and pretend like we're more perfect than everyone else?


Maybe because we think if we act like it enough, we'll become it, or at least believe it ourselves.
Cause no one likes looking in the mirror and seeing all their flaws. It's overwhelming.
And we think it's our responsibility as humans to fix, fix, fix everything we find wrong with us.




As Jefferson Bethke said in Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus,

"If grace is water, then the church should be an ocean
It's not a museum for good people, it's a hospital for the broken.
Which means I don't have to hide my failure, I don't have to hide my sin
Because it doesn't depend on me it depends on him."

Church is not a museum for the healthy, it's a hospital for the sick.

And if we could all just admit to each other that we're sick, how much more could we be healed?

If we could stop nervously glancing around the room during a convicting sermon, hoping that no one can tell what we're thinking, then maybe we could really look inside ourselves and let ourselves be healed. 

Maybe if we could all admit to being sick, our sickness wouldn't be so shameful knowing that countless people have the same disease, and countless people who have overcome it, can help us overcome. 

But, this doesn't only apply to churches. It applies to all humanity in general.

We know all the right words to say. 

We know how to make it look like we're perfect. 

And we do this because everyone else knows how to make it look like they're perfect too.

It's a vicious cycle.

We look around at all the people who supposedly have it together, and think we need to hide the mess inside ourselves. 

We stuff the dirty laundry under our beds without realizing that they're doing the same thing. 

But from where we stand, everyone else's rooms look clean and tidy. 

Everyone else looks healthy because we don't see the viruses attacking them on the inside.  

We all want to be more perfect than everyone else, for no other reason than pride. 

And we succeed at seeming more perfect, so everyone else around us feels like they need to reach the same standard. The standard that doesn't exist. The standard that was oppressed on us to by someone else. And someone else on them. And someone else on them. 

And the vicious cycle continues. 

Genuinity is a lost virtue. 

Transparency.

Honesty.

Our desire to look perfect is only more symptomatic of our imperfection.

And we're all guilty. We're all sick. 

We all put on masks to gain respect, power, praise, etc., all for the sake of pride--built on the foundation of a lie.

But transparency is beautiful.

The ability to be vulnerable is beautiful.

The humility to open ourselves up for criticism, mockery, judgement, or shame, is beautiful.

Because while we open ourselves up to those, we open ourselves up to healing and love also.

And then we give someone else the opportunity to be transparent, knowing that they're not alone. 

This is not a vicious cycle, but a renewing cycle. 

The more we are willing to be open and honest about our imperfections, the more we allow others to be. 

The moment we all decide to stop pretending we're perfect, is the moment we can truly love each other. 

And the cycle of renewal will continue, giving us the power to change the world. 

But it all starts within ourselves. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Mark 2:17
Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”